Thought of the Day—Have you ever had one of those days where the most intelligent and sophisticated word you could come up with was “DUH”?
Tag Archives: humor
Thought of the Day–7/25/17
Thought of the Day—If common sense was available in a pill form, I would certainly be incarcerated for illegal distribution…
Thought of the Day–6/27/17
Thought of the Day—When I think back to how I treated my parents at times, I’m so thankful humans don’t eat their young…
Throwback Thursday Mystery
A few days ago, I was going through some old pictures when I ran upon a photo with my brother Tom and sister, Jennifer that literally snatched me out of the present and pulled me into a part of the past I didn’t necessarily want to go…
Some time ago, our family lived in a small clapboard house in the rural setting of Robbins Road, which was outside the city limits of Nelsonville, Ohio. I was the youngest of six and we lived in this quaint cottage (OK, so it was a shack) until I was eight, so I don’t have an abundance of memories instilled in my mind concerning this place. However, I kept having a recurring dream/nightmare of hurrying along the path between the back porch and our detached “facilities”, commonly called an outhouse. Something was lumbering along behind me and I was running as fast as I could to reach the back porch and the door that led to safety. I desperately tried to open the kitchen door, but it was locked as the monster or whatever it was crept ever so closer. I never looked back as the fiend reached me but, I would wake up in a cold sweat, never knowing what the predator was or what it looked like.
Fast forward more than a few decades. I had some time ago stopped having this particular dream as I grew up and life moved on. My family gathered at our parent’s home for some event and the siblings were all gathered around sharing memories. Someone mentioned this dream they used to have that sounded remarkably similar to my own. The room grew quiet as one after another sibling chimed in that they had also had the very same dream. We were all amazed and at the same time, taken aback as the realization hit all of us; for there was an eighteen and a half year span from the oldest to the youngest sibling.
To this day, my youngest sister can’t sleep at night unless all of her limbs are unexposed and secured under the blankets of safety, still cautious of whatever lurks beyond. Call it coincidental, perhaps a subliminal memory gone awry, but each of us knows what we remember and it is still an unsettling source of an unsolved mystery.
The God of Second Chances
Have you ever had the opportunity for a second chance in life? The old saying goes, “you never have a second chance to give a good first impression”; but we are also taught to go that extra mile and give others an opportunity to prove themselves. Many times in a young child’s life, perception IS reality; and part of that perception involves a type of judgment. Isn’t it interesting how we judge people at times? Instantly, perhaps harshly, and without merit, we analyze someone’s physical attributes, mannerisms, and verbal signatures; after which we mentally determine whether we want another encounter with the subject of observation. I guess we grandkids were no different in that respect…for we all agreed that our grandpa was mean!
Grandpa Phillips was an intimidating looking old man with skeletal like facial features and a shock of snow white hair on top of that skeleton head. Earlier in life, perhaps at a low point, our grandpa attempted to take his own life. Some would call it a twist of fate and others, a brush of an angel’s wing, but our grandpa missed his mark and blew his left arm off instead. That absence of an arm in an empty sleeve, tucked into his trousers completed the total ”evil scarecrow” appearance.
Grandma and Grandpa Phillips lived in a small hamlet called Doanville, just outside of our hometown of Nelsonville in Ohio. Driving up to their house, I always got butterflies in my stomach and a sense of dread enveloped me. Their small, white house was nestled behind two gigantic pines, standing tall and majestic like two forest green soldiers standing at attention. The walkway led beyond the gate and between the two towering trees. The wind, whistling through the massive evergreens, gave an even more ominous feeling as we approached the dark, dank abode.
Grandpa Phillips was the “watcher” of their front porch when family came to visit. He seemed to delight in brandishing his belt or razor strap, threatening the visiting little yard apes from climbing the expansive banisters, which made the temptation to mount the white, wooden steed just a little more appealing.
Mom would tell us from time to time that grandpa wasn’t always like that. She had fond memories of her dad reading her bedtime stories at night. The only stories I could envision were grotesque fairy tales where wart laden witches devoured innocent little children, lost in the wood…
However, somewhere along the line in grandpa’s life, something had definitely changed. I didn’t know the details, only that grandpa had accepted Jesus into his life. He asked my dad if he could pick up grandma and him for church sometimes at the Church of the Nazarene on Adams St. They both sat toward the front of the sanctuary and I remember a bright smile on grandpa’s face during the service. My perception of grandpa certainly changed as he himself was changing from week to week. John Edward Phillips had been given a second chance at life after his botched attempt at taking his own and now, his entire life had eternally changed as he fully embraced his new life in Christ. I remember going Christmas caroling with our church in 1970 at their house. Both of my grandparent’s faces were just beaming as they listened to our less than perfect voices belting out carol after carol. Grandpa passed away on the same day we celebrate Christ’s birth each year, December 25th of 1970.
There are many examples of God giving second chances in the bible. Jonah’s disobedience to God resulted in Jonah being swallowed by a huge fish where he literally spent three days and nights in the stench of his own poor decision. But God gave him an out, being thrown up by the fish so he could be submissive to God and preach to the people of Nineveh, giving them a chance to turn from their evil ways. God agreed with Abraham to spare the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah from total destruction if only ten righteous men could be found in the cities. Saul, the great persecutor of the Christians in the New Testament was literally stopped in his tracks by God using a bright light that temporarily blinded him and got his attention to the point of conversion. Saul of Tarsus became the Apostle Paul, the great evangelist.
We’ve all been given second chances in life, regardless of circumstance. I guess we could say we’ve been given many chances in our lifetime! They may not have been as dramatic as a near fatal accident and it could have been something as simple as the act of forgiving someone or perhaps the restoration of trust. Regardless of the situation in life, God does not give up on us. He went as far as sending His son to the cross for our sins, so we could indeed be reconciled back to Him and not have to face eternal separation from God. Talk about going the extra mile! That’s the ultimate love in action, pure and simple…
I have always heard that somewhere buried along the fence line of the Greenlawn cemetery, lays my grandpa’s left arm. But I am very confident that his soul is rejoicing right this moment as he worships our God of second chances.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)
The Grateful Dead
When I was growing up, our family would sometimes take a Sunday drive in the afternoon, either to visit relatives or just for fun. The two older siblings would share the back seat and I, being the youngest, would sit on the floor board on either side of “the hump”. While driving around, we would pass several familiar sites including cemeteries. Invariably, one of us would smugly state, “people are just dying to get in there!” followed by an instant head turn from mom, a disapproving glare followed by a chiding comment of how we shouldn’t disrespect the dead. All the while, we siblings would respond with satisfied smiles and quiet giggles.
As I look back, that comment seemed so funny at the time but certainly less so as I get older. For in youth, a day seems like an eternity but as the stark reality of midlife adulthood creeps in, you begin to experience the sting of death as you lose loved ones and soon acknowledge that your own life is but a mere vapor in the wind. Sounds pretty morbid, huh? Well, it depends on your perspective.
You see, there are many differing views about death and if there is “life on the other side”. Some believe there is simply nothing after death, the light switch is merely set to the “off” position and you become a buffet for all sorts of creepy crawlers. If that was the case, I guess I would have an epitaph that reads, “I was serious about life but now I’m just a fungi”…Others believe that you are reincarnated as another creature or human depending on how good or bad you were in your previous life. I guess if you came back as a dung beetle, you could easily figure out why…Still others believe they will be rewarded in paradise by what they did on earth; their reward being measured by the number of virgins they receive in paradise based on how much they pleased their God. I wonder if their hell was also based on something similar but they quickly ran out of virgins and would have to support all of them for eternity…
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not trying to make light of death as much as bring a different perspective to light. Death is part of life; “From ashes to ashes, dust to dust; we came from the earth and to return we must”. We mourn those we have lost because we miss them terribly; there is a huge gaping hole left in our heart that only God can heal. But for the followers of Christ, there is a hope that extends beyond the grave. John 3:16 (NIV) states, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 14:2-3 (NIV) reflects, “My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” If I truly trust God’s word in its’ entirety, then there really is a concrete hope that we can hold on to, not only that we will see our loved ones again that trusted in Jesus, but we will live eternally with Christ!
And so we hold on to that very hope and truth as we go about our day to day lives; knowing that it is not about when or how we die but actually how we live and Who we live for in this life that makes an eternal difference in the next. That’s why it is so vitally important that we know the One who created us, who loves us more than we could ever imagine; being a living testimony of Christ in us until the day comes when we take our last breath. I will then be in peace and at peace, one of the grateful dead. For having lived and being loved in life, I must then await my final judgment but knowing I have an advocate with my Father.
My only hesitancy in death is leaving my loved ones in pain and grief. For as I know from pain filled experience, there is a peace to know your loved one is with the Lord but we humans have to deal with the emotional fall out of their passing and the huge void left in their place. But be comforted in the fact that we can be united once again. I Thessalonians 4:16-17 reads, “For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.” When Christ returns, I can’t wait to be caught up with everyone else for that great reunion. I bet I won’t even have that fear of heights anymore. I’ll just be eternally grateful for the grace given to a wretch like me.
A Little Bummed in Bethlehem
As Christmas once again approaches, you can almost feel the anticipation in the air along with perhaps panic, dread and impending doom on the part of those last minute procrastinators. It is the time of year when the sights, sounds, tastes and smells of the holiday beckon you once again to experience Christmases past. For lying dormant in the souls of adults is their inner child anxious to burst forth and once more relive the Christmas magic of their childhood, even if some of the memories were less than memorable.
When I was very young, my family lived in an old clapboard house, the back of which faced the massive black railroad trestle that spanned the Hocking River which we lovingly called the “Black Bridge”. The house was small for a family of seven and had no running water. One coal stove sat in the middle of the living room and served as the heating source for the entire structure, even though it more than fell short to heat the “boy’s room”. Every year a few weeks before Christmas, our mom would ask her kids to write a letter to Santa and list what we would like for Christmas. Being the youngest of six children, I would need assistance in drafting this “special” letter. After our letters were complete, we would put the “messages of hope” into the coal stove so that the smoke and sparks would lift the special delivery upwards and straight to the North Pole…at least that’s what our Mom and older siblings would tell us. We knew the true meaning of Christmas was the birth of the Christ child but Santa had to be real too…right?
One year, my sister Jennifer and I had finished making our lists and had just tossed them in our version of Santa’s mailbox when Jennifer exclaimed, “They’re just burning up!! They aren’t going to Santa! There’s no such thing as Santa Claus!!” I sheepishly looked around the room as the others tried to assure my bratty bigger sister that there really WAS a Santa Claus; meanwhile, a sinking feeling hit the pit of my stomach as the possible realization set in…bummer. I found out later that Santa indeed had a distribution center in town at Maurer’s Five and Dime; Mom would go there every week to give them a little money to secure our gifts and make sure Santa still brought our toys…sounded like extortion but I played along…
Fast forward just a few years and we had really moved up in the world. When I was around eight, my parents bought a house that actually had running water and flushable toilets! There were three of us kids left at home and our Christmas traditions continued. Glitter dusted pine cones suspended by red satin ribbons adorned the front door. The pungent aroma of pine filled the air as pine sprigs decorated the mantle of our oversized fireplace. The Christmas tree was decked out in fine garland, multicolored lights and ornaments before being embellished with thin strands of silvery icicles which clung to everything but the tree.
It was during this time that I got a little savvier about the gifts under the tree. I knew surprises would eventually show up on Christmas Eve but I just KNEW what some of those presents already nestled under the tree were. The dreaded socks and underwear…bummer! Our family had Christmas on Christmas Eve each year and we would gather in the living room and turn the overhead lights on which were only to be used for special occasions. When it came my turn to open gifts, I would try my best to find and open the lowliest of gifts; socks, underwear and a fresh pair of flannel pajamas first to get them out of the way. The pajamas would last until early spring when there would be holes worn in the knees and the legs would then be cut off to make “spring” pajamas. Don’t get me wrong, I did appreciate my parents’ efforts but I wanted the FUN stuff and besides, I could pull the end of my socks out and tuck them under my feet to avoid the toe holes and to make them last a little longer, right?
Let’s go back a couple thousand years to a little town called Bethlehem where the Christ child was born. Sure, there were shepherds wowed by angels and later, wise men mesmerized by a star, and of course Mary experiencing not only the miracle of birth but bringing forth the savior of the world?! That would surely be something to celebrate but yet there were others milling around that just didn’t have the same mind set and enthusiasm. You see the Jews were awaiting their promised Messiah, the one that would bring an army of angels and completely annihilate their enemies. They wanted a super action figure that would raise his mighty sword and smite their opponents but instead, what they received was a tiny little swaddler that couldn’t raise his own head, let alone an impressive rapier. They wanted the latest and greatest toy and ended up with their version of…well…socks and underwear…bummer. And so they systematically tossed their hope and salvation aside like some unwanted gift and walked away. They rejected the perfect gift of God, what they really needed and had prayed for; instead of embracing this priceless gift of Love, they nailed it to a rough hewn wooden cross…
As I have gotten older, hopefully I’ve gotten a little wiser. Sure, I’m still like a kid at Christmas time. And we all want something cool, exciting, different and stimulating in life as well. We want to ignore the mundane and go straight for the latest and greatest, the flashiest and finest. But life isn’t as much about the flash as it is about the gift of the everyday and ordinary moments, the trials and the learning times that God puts in our lives to make us stronger and better for Him. Here’s an example of what I am talking about. Earlier in the year, I somehow injured my lower back which really compromised my day to day activities. I finally sought out and found a good chiropractor who began my treatments back to eventual health. I had been deaf in my right ear for approximately fifteen years prior to this treatment from Meniere’s disease. Through the neck manipulations as part of his treatment protocols, the nerves going to my ears were stimulated to the point of causing a sixty-seven percent restoration of my hearing in my right ear. With the use of a hearing aid, I now have complete use of my “deaf” ear once again. Some may call this a “happy accident” but I call it God working in our everyday to bring good from a bad situation; my “socks and underwear” moment became a gift of restoration and thanksgiving.
Just something to think about as we head into Christmas week. So what do you say? Isn’t it time we appreciate the gift of life, love, family and memories this Christmas? How about giving the gift of time to spend with a loved one, you know the gift of your presence? Oh, and by the way…I’m sure we have kept the tradition alive and well in our family for I know for a fact that our granddaughter has some pretty pairs of Paw Patrol panties and sport socks in her stocking…
James 1:17–Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
Who Are You…Really?
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;” Jeremiah1:5
Have you ever had what you thought was a great idea, but when that idea actually went into fruition, had second thoughts? It was late October of 1980, I was twenty-two and working in a not so major retail chain as the manager of a shoe department. We had just received the head nod from management that we could in fact dress up on Halloween day for the store. I’ve always had somewhat of a penchant for creativity and this green light gave me the opportunity to be “somebody else” for a day. I thought and schemed about my transformation until I landed on what I thought would be the perfect disguise. What would be the direct opposite of a white man than…a black woman.
Convinced as I was that this was a great idea and undeterred from the hesitation of others, I set my plan in motion. I borrowed an old house dress from someone and a black wig from another; the dress was long enough to support long wool socks and work boots so my legs were covered. A fellow coworker, we’ll call her Pearlene, just happened to sell Mary Kay cosmetics and let me use her sample ebony make up. What can I say; the transformation was a long leap of faith in a short amount of time.
The day arrived for the great “unveiling” and I hurriedly got myself ready and out the door. Complete with pillows for my bosoms and a bandana on my head, I rushed over to Pearlene’s house to show off what “we” had done. I arrived and stepped on her porch, knocked on the door and stepped back so she could admire the “complete package”. Pearlene opened the door and her mouth flew open, her eyes grew wide as she uttered “what do you want?” I took a step forward while replying “it’s me, Pearlene!” My step forward triggered a guttural scream and Pearlene uttered something unintelligible as she jumped back and slammed the door in my face. I sheepishly knocked on the door again and announced that I was Steve…remember? Her response behind closed doors was…”is it really you?” That was the first time I really doubted my decision to be something I wasn’t and knew the day would become quite interesting.
I arrived at the store before opening and received the obvious responses I was expecting from my coworkers, but when the customers started to arrive, I was met with a completely different set of reactions. The stares, glares and finger pointing was beginning to take its’ toll on me as I attempted to spend the remainder of my work day either in the stock room, break room or lurking around between shelving units in the aisle ways. Who could blame the customers though; they innocently came in to buy their package of paper towels and toilet plunger and were met in the aisle by a hazel-eyed drag version of Mrs. Butterworth!
Fast forward to present day and real life. I guess it is just human nature to not be satisfied with who you are but to be someone or something different. People have a tendency to weigh their own attributes before peering over the fence at their neighbors so they can covet or desire what they feel is lacking. “I want to be taller, shorter, have more money, less body mass, a beautiful body, a great personality, work less, play more, to be married, to be free, the list goes on and on. The problem is, God made us just the way we are; He LOVES us just the way HE made us, and His intent is to use us with all of what we would consider our “shortcomings”…for His glory. In Psalm139:14 (NIV) David exclaims, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” How many of us are prepared to drop our self deprecating, degrading attitudes and embrace ourselves fully and unconditionally as God see us, warts and all?
Here is another train of thought…if you are truly supposed to love yourself “Just As I Am”, shouldn’t you love the ones around you just the way THEY are? Matthew 22:35-40(NIV) reads, “Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Hhhmmm…could that even include the acceptance of your neighbor’s own political lean or preference? Yep, it is a lot harder to implement that commandment than to embrace it but is essential if you want to successfully play in life’s sandbox.
So, look in the mirror. Who are you really? Are you someone walking through life wishing you were someone else? Or have you fully embraced the one you were meant to be? If you have committed your life in Christ, you are God’s child (John 1:12), you are a member of Christ’s body (I Corinthians 12:27), you are a citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20), and you should have confidence that God will perfect the work He has begun in you (Philippians 1:6). Just something to think about the next time you are tempted to surf the web for a plastic surgeon.
So go ahead and explore who you were meant to be. As for me this Halloween season, I’m going to dress up and become what I have been for many years now; a character from Dennis the Menace…Mr. Wilson…
Oldies But Goodies
Sometimes it’s good to just take a look back at your life and what you have gone through and/or what you have accomplished so you can properly appreciate where you are now or perhaps make life adjustments as you continue on down life’s road. That’s probably why Throw Back Thursdays are so popular; you get to see snippets of your own or someone else’s past in pictures. Sometimes those snapshots take you right back to where you were, what song might have been playing, or who you were with. At times, however, it could just be one big old embarrassing blast from the past that you would just as soon forget about.
I have been going through some of the older blog posts I had posted over the past couple of years. Reflected below are ten that may make you smile, grimace or even ponder…enjoy!
| Getting High and Loving It |
| Heads Up! |
| Illuminate Us O Lord |
| Living The Trashy Life |
| Lookie What I Did! |
| Perfect Imperfections |
| Squirrel!! |
| Sshhh…Listen |
| Trapped in an Antique Mall |
| Well, That’s Not Fair!! |
Forty
The number forty has always been a very significant number in biblical history. Moses was up on the mountain with God for forty days and nights and came back down with ten little laws to live by…well, at least to keep the Israelites in line–the Ten Commandments. (Exodus 34:28) It rained for forty days and nights and flooded the earth. Can you imagine what the dew point level was when Noah landed on Mount Ararat? (Genesis 7:1-24) The grumbling Israelites wandered through the desert for forty years until the entire generation of grumblers had perished. (Numbers 14:26-35) Prior to the beginning of his ministry, even Jesus fasted and prayed forty days while being tempted by Satan in the wilderness. Just think what will power Jesus must have had to fast for forty days while the devil is holding up their version of a Big Mac and fries?! (Matthew 4:1-11)
Fast forward to the 21st century and the number forty is still a major milestone in our lives for it marks the unofficial “end” of our chronological youth and a large misstep into maturity. That’s right boys and girls; it marks the end of your association with the “in crowd” as you cross over to the “Over-the-Hill” gang…It begins so innocently with all things black and unique gift ideas that include: Preparation H, denture cream, denture cleaner, walkers, canes, wheelchairs…I don’t have time for an exhaustive list but you get the idea. This “special” birthday usually ends in a severe case of depression, re-evaluation of your life and staring directly into the bright light of the oncoming train called midlife crisis. It’s that time of life when things that happen to “other people” begin to happen to you! The sad thing is, I’ve already had that special birthday plus enough years to make up a legal high school graduate…(OK, for those of you who are trying to figure this out…40+18=?)
Hhhmmm…where was I?…Oh yeah…high school graduate and another “forty” event. This evening on August 12th, 2016 at Burr Oak lodge in Ohio, folks will be kicking off the Fortieth high school reunion for the Nelsonville-York class of 1976—GO BUCKEYES! This weekend is sure to be packed with a lot of fun memories and life stories and even though I won’t be physically present, I WILL be there in spirit.
The year 1976 was of course our country’s bicentennial year and even though our school colors were brown, off white, and orange (blame my brother’s class for picking those stupid colors minus the orange…) we had to graduate in bicentennial red, white, and blue. It was the age of vinyl records and vinyl platform shoes, of bell bottom jeans and leisure suits. And as I look back, it was also an age of confusion.
I have to smile as I think back of how serious we were in high school; trying to make those good grades, attempting to fit in and just survive until graduation day came along. We had our jocks, cheerleaders, brainiacs, bandy’s, the cool kids, and of course “the others” which had to be placed in the miscellaneous category. We had the ones that were “all that”…I didn’t know what “all that” was but I was sure I didn’t have it, didn’t know where to find it, and didn’t even know whether it was contagious…
I remember vividly thinking on our special day, after the diplomas were handed out, “oh crap, what now”?…life my friend…and so it was that our graduating class was dispersed in the winds to work, go to college, start raising families and to find out who we really were without a secure support system.
The first few class reunions after graduation seemed to be a five year regrouping of the jocks, cheerleaders, brainiacs, bandy’s, the cool kids, and of course “the others”. By now, reunions seem to be more like survivalist camps for we have all survived a few decades of life with all its’ possibilities, realities, pain, joy and regret. Many of us have been forever changed by illness and loss but have also been able to smile and continue on with the support of our loved ones. Most of us by now have had children and grandchildren and are thrilled to watch the next generations play their part in this big family called humanity.
But guess what Class of 76? We are not dead yet! We are not finished playing our role in this dramatic play called life. Only God knows what He holds for our futures but I bet we have a few more “forty” experiences ahead of us. Our careers may be winding down in the next few years or so but our responsibility to be good examples for our future generations still needs to be as strong as ever. As for me, God willing, it will be a fortieth wedding anniversary in a few years. I’m just trying to make sure the number forty doesn’t pop up around the waist…
Psalm 103:17-18 (NLT) But the love of the LORD remains forever with those who fear him. His salvation extends to the children’s children of those who are faithful to his covenant, of those who obey his commandments!
Luke 1:50 (NLT) He shows mercy from generation to generation to all who fear him.
lifesimplyspoken 